Tuesday, April 14, 2020


This is our practice a journey with no ending

All the journey asks of us is to begin a practice. I think in the here and now of the current quarantine due to the Coronavirus we have the perfect platform to begin. This is a time of suffering for all beings in the world. A time of overwhelming uncertainty and doubt. At this very sensitive time in our world I believe we can all use less judgment, more kindness, compassion and equanimity. Typically our lives are very full, with daily routines. Taking care of self in our everyday lives is the last thing our list of to do’s after we come home from a day of work. First we usually take care of our families if that applies,then our pets and homes. Some of us manage to squeeze a workout into our days to take care of our bodies but what about our mind and our spirit, don’t they also need tending? The mind is also a muscle and it needs training in order to get stronger and more resilient. Why not now when we are in quarantine, take advantage of this time we have to cultivate a mindfulness/meditation practice? 

In my private practice I speak with patients frequently and what I still hear is ” I don’t have time to do the things that might help me to find more peace in my life.” Some people simply don’t know where their time goes because they have not taken the time to cultivate healthy daily routines. Typically what happens in these situations is when the bottom falls out or the rug is pulled out from under our feet we simply do not know what to do. Now if that description fits you, you are not alone. We can all use more discipline and better time management in our lives. When we are able to do this life becomes more manageable and less stressful. So let’s see if we can harness that energy into something positive and long- term that will sustain us throughout difficult times. It is sometimes helpful when setting up a practice to choose a time in your day that works with your schedule to limit interruptions, some people may choose mornings before work, some choose after work and others may choose the middle of the day that is an individual choice. I always suggest that my patients start with what works. If you start with a meditation practice I always suggest that my patients start with 4-5 minutes a day. Once they set a practice and they are feeling stronger in their practice they can increase the duration to a time that works for them. The intention here is to set reasonable goals for yourself so that you are more likely to stick to it and experience success in your practice. 
 
We can all use mindfulness in our everyday lives. Mindfulness is a state of being more consciously aware of the present moment or being here now. Mindfulness can provide us all with more clarity into our state of mind, acceptance of where we are in the moment which encourages more compassion for self and other. As my mentor would put it, “get out the Windex and clean off your mirror”, if you want to really see yourself and others clearly. Practice finding a clear fresh look at yourself and the world this is what mindfulness can provide. 


In the here and now there’s a lot of fear and chaos in the world and it is not going to go away anytime soon and wishing it away is not possible. Therefore, we have an excellent opportunity for all to practice loving kindness, compassion and equanimity. Time to look inside and find the courageous warrior within. Time is now to walk towards the light and unveil the true self beneath the many veils of protection, our defenses. It is a valid time to recognize, that we are not alone, that we are interconnected through the common thread of humanity. 


There is no time like the present to develop equanimity within and without, the attitude of I’m okay, your okay, we are okay. This is difficult for most of us to imagine that we are all okay because we are usually stuck in our own limited habitual biases. These habitual mindsets are based on likes and dislikes and accept and reject. Equanimity invites us all to open our our viewpoint completely and invite all beings in, even someone we don’t like or a perceived enemy. Think of someone that you have a lot of negative energy towards. I am sure in our current pandemic situation there are many fitting examples of people who push our buttons. Such as, people who are not practicing social distancing, or people that are hoarding, or a reporter or maybe even the President of the United States. The key here is to choose someone that is polarizing for you. This may be challenging for most of us which is why we may want to approach this slowly and with kindness so as not to become overwhelmed with fear and shut down. We always want to remind ourselves that this is a practice and we want to invite things into our practice slowly, little by little. We always want to check in with ourselves and see how we are tolerating this exercise and if it too much simply shut it down for now and try again tomorrow. With practice we most naturally get stronger at this, the more we practice the stronger we get, just like anything else we practice. Mindfulness practice is mind training boot camp and we are here to cultivate loving kindness towards ourselves and all beings. As mentioned earlier this practice takes courage because we never know what is going to appear when we open the door into the recesses of our minds. We could be presented with sickness/health, sorrow/joy, poverty/wealth, fear/curiosity or attachment/loss, to mention a few. This practice will help us to learn how to welcome whatever scenario presents itself to us. 
 
Equanimity encourages us to open our viewpoint fully and beyond our limited perspectives on life. Most of us practice hoping to get what we want and fear losing what we have. Does that sound familiar to anyone? So let’s see, we can spend all sorts of time getting what we want and then once we have it, we don’t even enjoy it or have gratitude, instead we immediately begin to worry about losing it or maybe we don’t really feel like we deserve it. Wouldn’t you agree that there has to be a better way to go through life than this? This is a set up, a mind trap. My mentor Dr. Kenneth Wapnick would always reminded me of this trap, ” hope is a set up, once you get what you want, hope for then your going to fear losing it.” Moreover, this trap is the very fabric of what habits are made of. Habits are addictions and we all have some variation of this in our lives. Buddhism identifies eight variations of this, hope/fear, pleasure/pain, praise/blame, gain/loss and fame/disgrace. Each one of these is polarizing and whenever we get caught in one of these extremes there is fear that the other will occur. It is a bit like being on a hamster wheel, we are the hamster chasing one of these variations over and over again. Being on this never ending loop can be very exhausting, chasing what you want getting it and then fear losing. Is anyone ready to get off? At what point in time do we make the choice to get off of the wheel and recognize this chase is futile and will never bring us the happiness we are looking for. The reason it does not bring us the happiness we are looking for is because it is an endless cycle of attraction and aversion. In reality there is no way to move through life without loss and gain. In other words there is no way to line everything up perfectly in life so that we never experience any negatives/ fears and accumulate only the positive/wealth. 


I suggest practicing Equanimity in your life, this is the perfect opportunity in the here and now where there is so much fear and polarization in our world. We are all experiencing a difficult times due to the quarantine so this is a great opportunity to practice. This can be practiced in the grocery store, on the road from your car or in your home. If you are out at the market set an intention to remain emotionally aware of your surroundings and be honest with yourself about what triggers you. Notice if you are closed or open to the person that is triggering you. Do you feel negative, positive or neutral? Our only job here is to notice what we are feeling without judgement. You can do this while watching television as well, there are many triggering examples on the news, notice how your feeling, is it negative, positive or neutral? You will begin to notice that most of what we see in the world is negative or positive, polarized. It is important to be patient with yourself and recognize that this is a process that takes practice, that means it will ebb and flow and we will always be challenged by new experiences. The goal is to be more neutral less polarized more balanced, and less triggered, ultimately this brings us equanimity and we feel more peaceful. There is no time like the present to set a life long practice! May all beings find peace and equanimity.

Friday, April 10, 2020

The World Stands Still

The world as we know it has suddenly come to a screeching halt due to COVID-19. Going to the grocery store has become a project. Ordinary is no longer ordinary in April of 2020. Going anywhere now takes planning, what time do I go? Which store will have what I need? Will I find what I need on the shelf? If I don’t find what I need how many stores will I have to visit to find these necessities? Do I wear a mask to the store? What about gloves? How much do I expose myself to other people while I’m out? What happens when I bring my groceries home do, I quarantine them too and for how long? What do I use to clean the groceries before I actually bring them in? They say soap and water is the best, but I cannot wash a box with soap and water. I guess I could use an antibacterial wipe, but we don’t have many of those and soon we will have none.  There are none in stock because out of fear people are hoarding these items. “According to scientists the virus is detectable for up to three hours in aerosols, up to four hours on copper, up to 24 hours on cardboard and up to two to three days on plastic and stainless steel.” I guess I either have to find a way to clean those objects or leave the groceries or Boxes in the garage.  Wow this is really time consuming and exhausting. I am really tired already just thinking about this project of shopping for necessities I think I will sit down and go another day.
What once was ordinary, simple automatic and habitual, is now forcing me to be extremely mindful in my care for self, family and others. For me it seems like I am developing a neurosis, fears about how dangerous it is to go into the world.
I have always been very aware of the reality of our human fragility as I am not a stranger to illness and loss. I lost a kidney at 40 to cancer and I lost my 30-year-old son two years ago to addiction. But somehow in the here and now of this Coronavirus/COVID-19 things seem to be even more fragile. I had to remind myself about my belief in our fragility and impermanence. I know that anything can be lost at any time, but I find the need to remind myself of this more often. The reality of the world we live in is, anything could happen to anyone of us without notice. Impermanence has always been there it began when we drew our first breath and it ends in this lifetime at the time of our last breath. The human body is vulnerable, and we are susceptible to all unseen and seen enemies. We are never sure when this will happen.  Since we don’t know when something might attack our bodies be it disease or natural disaster it is important to live each day as if it were our last day here on earth. That means remembering to be grateful for what we have and letting anyone we are close to in our lives know how much we love and care for them. Life is fragile and we need to appreciate and be grateful for whatever time we have here together.
Sometimes we delude ourselves by thinking we are invincible. We are all somehow safe from natural disasters, viruses, disease and even death. I think unconsciously we believe “I’m safe and it’s not going to happen to me all I need to do is stay safe in my own little refuge.” Unfortunately, the body has needs like food, water, air and of course connection with other beings. So, believing that we can do it alone and that each one of us is in some sort of protective bubble of, it won’t happen to me, is delusional. The definition of delusion, is a belief that despite the evidence to the contrary we hold onto. The delusion, “it is not going to happen to me” is beginning to hit each and every one of us. We are seeing it and hearing about it in living color every day on the television, our computers and our phones, it is impossible do deny the potency of this virus. The statistics and numbers rise daily as we all witness it growing and getting closer to our neighborhoods. There are many examples of this in our everyday lives besides this coronavirus, to name a few, “it’s not going to happen to me,” I can drink alcohol and consume drugs and not get addicted. I can continue to play tennis during the Coronavirus because we have at least 6 feet of distance, it won’t happen to me. I can still go to see my family and spend time with friends no one will know that I am not practicing social distancing. I can still walk on the beach as long as I don’t get too close to others. I can spend spring break in Cancun, Daytona Beach and Malibu because I'll be okay. I can still surf because after all it is just me out there and we are far enough away from each other. My question to all of you out there that have decided not to follow the rules is, “How do you know?” It is not our democratic right to have the freedom to do what we want when we want to do it if it places ourselves and other beings in danger. No one has a crystal ball or the inside track to God? You have no knowledge of what safe is and it is irresponsible to all beings to not follow the rules that the government and the physicians have advised us is in our best interest. In the here and now it is not just about doing, “What I want.” In the here and now it is about what is in the best interest of all beings. Sometimes we ourselves are the enemy. Making poor choices in spite of the facts.
The fact is that we are not safe from unseen and seen enemies the body is vulnerable to all assaults. We are not invincible, and even Superman was vulnerable to the enemy kryptonite. We have many enemies in our world as previously mentioned. Disease, viruses, bacterial infections, natural disasters, pollution, and violent assaults by others. To think that we can shelter ourselves from all seen and unseen dangers in the world is absolutely delusional. So why not do what we can to simply do our best for ourselves and humanity. May we all be kind, compassionate and mindful of all our brothers and sisters.

Friday, April 3, 2020

Correct All Wrongs With One Intention


This morning I pulled card 40 in my Lojong/Compassion practice. I thought this was the perfect topic to write on for my blog. In the here and now of the worlds everyday experience the "wrong" that this card is speaking to is the difficult circumstances we are all presented with the Coronavirus pandemic. This is a shared experience of all beings, so I think it is safe to say that all beings are in this together. As a psychologist I am aware that this experience is resulting in a lot of fear for my patients and for humanity at large. We are all presented with the same uncertainty and doubt, the big unknown who in our lives and in the general population will be struck next. Will I experience this virus, will it be my beloved, my children, my grandchildren, extended family, friends, colleagues or neighbors?  No one really knows how, when, where or why. All of these pervasive unknowns are creating a lot of fear in the world. This fear is resulting in panic for goods, such as paper products, household cleaners, food and water. This hoarding of products is creating a lack and panic for others to not have the everyday necessities. This is creating a shared experience of pain and suffering.

When we experience fear, panic, uncertainty and the impermanence of life/death. Our minds are sent into danger modality, we have triggered the automatic response of flight, fight or freeze. This invisible, unknown perceived threat results in the prefrontal cortex of our brains shutting down and our primitive mind/emotions taking over. This is the mechanism that results in the fight, flight and freeze response. This response can and does result in anxiety and panic disorder for many. When adrenaline and cortisol flood the nervous system, what we notice is shallow breathing, increased heart rate, and what I call the elephant sitting on my chest syndrome. This can feel life threatening to many and it may result in some people thinking that they are having a heart attack.  This feeling of constriction in our chests/possible heart attack could present a dangerous visit to the emergency room which could result in possible exposure to the Coronavirus. If you are prone to anxiety and panic disorder this is a time to sit down breath very slowly, meditate if that is your go to or utilize yoga, or tapping to help calm yourself down.

This is a time of choice in our lives. Do we relax into what frightens us or soften into our fears? Will we lean into our heart or do we respond with fear, prejudice, greed, hatred and ignorance? The problem with functioning from our primitive mind means that people are prone to swarm to the markets scouring for foods, filling their carts with paper products and cleaning supplies leaving a lack of supply for others. This creates a climate of scarcity. This then presents a climate of the haves and the have nots. In our fearful attempts to take care of ourselves we have forgotten about our brothers and sisters needs. I just have to put something true and funny in here, the toilet paper situation is so bad that my daughter in law had to purchase toilet paper from Norway for her family. This seems a little insane for a country that has an abundance of everything that we have run out of toilet paper, paper towels, and cleaning supplies to name a few. What people don’t seem to realize is that their unconscious attempts to protect themselves has created an unsafe and fearful experience for others.

So, what is the choice here, are we going to respond with love or fear? Are we going to perpetuate fear, prejudice, greed, hatred and ignorance? How do you want to respond in this world crisis? Do you want to look for the good in others and yourself? Do you want to be grateful and generous to others with acts of kindness? As humanity we have a choice to do things differently to change our minds so we can change the world.

We are presented with difficult circumstances in the here and now- the pandemic/Covid-19 is not going away today or tomorrow. At this time, we don’t even know when things will begin to correct themselves and the numbers begin to trend down. What do we want our intentions to be, do we want to use this time of suffering to join together and have a greater good? Will this pandemic open us all up or destroy us in the process of trying to beat it and beat each other to the market for a roll of toilet paper? Through this shared experience of suffering we are called to hear the voices of all of our brothers and sisters as a call for love for help! We have a choice to remain in our suffering, darkness, fear and make it all about “me” or we can rise to the occasion and share our gifts with others. This is a time in our lives when we are being called to embrace the unknown, that we cannot change the circumstances in our world, but we can change our experiences in the world one person at a time. We cannot change others, but we can all change our minds and how we see and experience each other and the world at large.

A wise man, Dr. Kenneth Wapnick once told me and others that were fortunate enough to hear him, “we are all from the same shattered pane of glass.” No matter what it looks like in the world we are all brothers and sisters. We all suffer, and we all want love. Be kind to all beings as we are all fighting the same virus.

Practice Loving Kindness and Compassion:
·      May all beings be free of suffering and the root of all suffering.
·      May we be safe and free of the virus
·      May we be free of anger, fear and worries
·      May we all be free of indifference towards each other
·      May we all be free of greed and cravings
·      May we all be mindful or our unconscious dark side.


May we all practice generosity, love, kindness and compassion towards each other in these difficult days ahead. Who do you want to be and what do you want to be known for, what is your legacy?